
In my never-ending quest to bring you reasons to party, I am happy to announce that today is National Catfish Day! Now, when he proclaimed this holiday, I’m pretty sure President Reagan was just trying to boost the fishconomy by getting people to crave catfish sandwiches and hush puppies, but that’s fine with me. A holiday is a holiday, people. I’m not gonna argue with a reason to wear a party hat and do the electric slide, even if it is in honor of a slimy pond creature. If you’re a little confused as to how to go about celebrating this glorious day, I am here to help! I give you:
THE TOP 10 WAYS TO CELEBRATE NATIONAL CATFISH DAY:
10. Hug a Catfish (OK, so there aren’t that many ways to celebrate this holiday…cut me some slack. And watch out for the poisonous barbs).
9. Visit the nearest catfish farm and “free” a catfish from his fate at the end of a hook (please note that freeing a fish from water is just another way of killing it, as I learned the hard way on National Catfish Day in ‘05. So make sure to take a container of water for transporting the catfish to its safe new home in a nearby lake or river…where, let’s face it, people will still be trying to hook and gut it, but at least it will have a fighting chance).
8. Dress up your neighbor’s cat as a fish, and give it to your dog as a NCD gift.
7. Order a catfish sandwich at Long John Silvers and see if anyone who works there actually has any clue what kind of fish the restaurant chain serves (I’ll give you a hint: it ain’t catfish. Or any other fish you’ve ever heard of, for that matter).
6. Show up at your local Publix seafood case with a fishing pole, bait, and tackle, and see how long it takes somebody to call security (from personal experience, I can tell you it’s less than 30 seconds from the time of your first cast).
5. Take a picture of yourself diving into a plate of deep-fried catfish, cole slaw, tartar sauce and hush puppies, and email it to your cardiologist as a National Catfish Day e-card greeting.
4. Bring a bag full of dead catfish to the Marlins game tonight, and throw them at Renyel Pinto and Joe Nelson in the bullpen (sorry, I am still bitter about their role in last night’s loss).
3. Send a Catfish-Gram to your favorite afternoon DJ (Catfish-Gram = you dressed up as a catfish, knocking on studio door, singing a catfish song while showering recipient with catfish carcasses, swiping a free CD and running away before the authorities are called–and getting it all on film so I can post it on my blog tomorrow).
2. Stick your head inside a giant catfish and become the next subject of my morning show segment “People We Don’t Want to Act Like/Stuff We Might Want to Consider Not Doing.”
1. Go about your day as though it is just a normal Wednesday, which it basically is, because who in their right mind actually wants to celebrate catfish???